Holy Banana Balls, Batman, It’s An Entry!

I’ve found that over the years I get progressively worse at keeping a journal but the urge to write and release is still there so I keep trudging along, beating my dead horse (I’m good at that).  Today was a slightly gloomy and very rainy day but all in all, it was pretty good.  I can’t really complain right now and I’m enjoying the feeling of contentedness, however, temporary it may be.  *knock on wood*  I haven’t had a lot of time to work on my personal projects though, which I’d like to do some time in the near future.  On the list are things like, finishing up Kenly’s website (all I have left to do on that is drawing up and coding a splash page, which I’m not entirely sure she wants/needs but I’m going to do it anyway), working on Deadly Visions (YAY! It’s over 100 pages now), pixeling some gifts I wanted to make for my lovely pixel art friends over at BS (since I couldn’t participate in the Secret Santa event), finish watching Star Trek so I can return the dvd to my sister’s boyfriend (lol!), finish reading a book I borrowed from my friend because I seriously need to return it after how many years now (ughh! < that ughh is for me because I’m such a slacker sometimes), work on Heaven’s Tears when I’m done with Deadly Visions (yay! Can’t wait to get back to that story), and do a cool collage on my side table/storage unit in the computer room because the top is all messed up and I want to make it artsy and pretty.  I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting something and that more things will be added to the grand “Good intentions/To-do list,” as time goes on.  

On another note, Can you believe it’s February already?  Its seems the older I get, the faster time flies and let me tell you, it sucks.  The whole, “You should enjoy your youth while it lasts because you can’t go back thing,” really is true.  Why is it that when a person is young, he or she, can’t wait to get older, but when older finally comes, youth is wanted instead?  I guess it just goes to show that most people don’t really know what they want.  I know I don’t know what I want, half the time… Well I do… In all honestly, all I really want out of life is to be happy and to in some way make other people happy.  You can just call me Little Miss People Pleaser, because that’s what I feel like sometimes, and not in a good way (lol!).  Umm… I was talking about February, and just went off on the wrong exit, but that’s okay because that’s what journals are for… If you can’t express what you want to on your own blog then where can you type up useless babble?!

February always gives me feelings of bittersweetness.  I guess because of the dreaded 14th.  All the mushy sentiment that goes into that day of commercialism is beyond me.  Not that I’d complain if someone decided to give me some chocolate on that most evil of days, but I’d never complain if someone wanted to give me chocolate (unless said chocolate happened to be laced with something deadly).  It’s just funny how consumers buy into the whole “get your loved one something special” sentiment (okay, it’s not a bad idea but where and when did the whole tv’s for valentine’s day or diamonds for valentine’s day start?  What’s wrong with a card, some candy, or a flower?  And do you really need a special day to show someone you care about that you care about them? Just saying…  Although, if someone is fool enough to get me a gaming computer for v-day, I’m not stopping them. HAHA!)

But enough with the mini rant, because that’s not what I opened wordpress up for… except that maybe it is, because I needed to release up all these pent up feelings inside of me… at least the ones I’m willing to share online.  So I guess I’ll leave you with this little diddy (And no, not the rapper):

Empty
Forgotten promises that you have written
I knew not to expect too much
What am I your yo-yo that you flick aimlessly through the air?
Up and down, up and down
You make me dizzy but not with love or lust
Frustrated in myself for even hoping I could trust
When I knew that hollow was what lay inside
You’ve spoiled me and taught me
Lessons, I’ve learned them from the past
Trust
It must be earned and can’t be bought with honey coated words
“I’ll wait for you…”
Don’t wait too long, because I have a pair of scissors in my hand
Snip! the cord is broken
I’m no caged bird, no yo-yo
Empty
That is what you’ll always be
Free
That is me

(Untitled: J.M. Chandler)
Blegh… Not my best, but I’m not stressing it.

Written by jm.chandler

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